I want to break free

I want to break free. This shit is gonna kill me... Well, I'm killing myself with everytime I lie to myself saying 'I'm in control, I know how to do it and that's how I'm gonna do things from now on'. The same words ever. M is always right, she knows me. She knows the secrets I've never told to anyone before and most importantly she has never judged me for being like that. I want to stop but I don't know how. 'Take a stand. Do it, just do it. It's gonna be for you, not for me'. I need to do it for me, I'm going to do it.

I need it 'cause I'm sick and tired of this, it's fucking stressful. Everyday I feel like a shit, like a loser, like 'oh, look at you, LOSER, screw you!' I'm too young to care  for things like these, but I am nothing, that's just what I've become.  How can I starve myself if there are so many people on Earth that got no food? I'm a monster.

.